Pertaining.... ponderings plucked from the pages of a dictionary
May I persuade you to consider a thought that pertains to all of us? Humans have a natural, essential motivation to belong. We seek unconditional love, and we long for acceptance. Covid-19 has wreaked havoc with our ability to form and maintain sustaining bonds. Being in the same room with a person, sharing the same air, hearing the subtle tones of laughter and joy in a cherished oneʻs voice, smelling their scent, catching the glint in their eyes, and feeling their radiant energy doesn’t translate over a phone or video chat. Physical distance and the paucity of tactile sensation have impaired our ability to relate to one another. FaceTime, Zoom, and Skype were providential alternatives and short-term solutions to physical distancing. Still, humans need to be present with one another, have our senses aroused, and feel the visceral magnetism produced by our bodies to connect intimately.
Recently, someone very dear to me told me, “The pandemic has changed a lot of people.” I was initially perturbed. I didn’t think that I had changed at my core. I had spent the first year and a half isolated in my home with little more than FaceTime and Zoom to connect me with my loved ones. I was petrified by the unknown peculiarity of the Covid-19 virus. I watched Covidʻs death and despair on television, lost a pet and loved ones, felt injustice as I watched the riots erupting worldwide, was dismayed by the political pandemonium that pervaded our country, and was outraged by racial and social injustice. Yet, I felt like I was still soundly grounded in my core beliefs.
When relationships began to fragment around me, my perception of how the world was changing and how others related to me changed. This pestilence has sent our world into a tailspin, and few of us have come out unscathed. My pandemic quarantine started as a way to focus on my art and expand my creative process. The quiet solitude and stillness were a glorious break from the throbbing I felt from the world at large until my world precipitously narrowed and became more perverse. Pessimism prevailed, and I became what my dear friend had proclaimed: a person who had been changed by the pandemic.
Postulate this: like the cygnet carried on its motherʻs back, pull proximate friends and family closer than ever before and pardon any perfidy. If you have engaged in outbursts or withdrawn from family and friends, a reaction I refer to as the PUSH/PULL effect that results when our overwhelming human desire for acceptance is threatened, step back and pause. When our innate sense to survive and stay connected to secure bonds, those people who have grounded us, who we have trusted, and who have made us feel loved, are scrutinized and questioned in pressured times like these, we have a tendency to do one of two things. We either lash out, often in pain, to procure a response and regain assurance from the other person, this is what I refer to as the PUSH effect, or we draw inward, shut out the chaos, and PULL up our shields to protect ourselves. When this happens in any permutation of responses, the battle ensues, and relationships perish. Please, don’t let this happen to you! Try to understand that people’s reactions often have little correlation with the strife at hand. Correlation and causation sometimes align, but to say post hoc ergo propter hoc (“after this, therefore because of this”) would be a prodigious mistake. Too many external pressures are at play, especially during this pandemic, for our conclusions to be pure.
The pandemic has made me perceptively aware of the fragility of relationships, broadened my understanding of the frailty of the human condition, and made me more compassionate, communicative, and purposive. It taught me that life is even more precious than I had once understood and our world’s cached positivity is pitiable.
If you’ve lost friendships or have relationships with distance growing between them, please, consider this before you abandon the passions and promises you held in your heart before the pandemic. It is never too late to tend the smoldering flames of a proven relationship or too soon to warm the weary souls of friends and family from whom we have been uncoupled. Peace, love, optimism, understanding, and forgiveness are in palpable demand now more than ever, and it is within our power to produce them. To proclaim that love conquers all is a platitude, but it is paramount to our survival and a plausible starting point in our world’s current predicament, so open your heart and love!
The artwork used in this post to convey my plea was drawn years ago, stuffed in a drawer, and forgotten until a few weeks ago. I found it while clearing my studio and my mind of clutter, and it inspired this post. Therefore, this is one of those rare times that “post hoc ergo propter hoc” applies.
Glossary of Terms
pain | pān | noun 1 physical suffering or discomfort caused by illness or injury: they’re in great pain • mental suffering or distress: the pain of loss.
pal·pa·ble| ˈpalpəb(ə)l | adjective (of a feeling or atmosphere) so intense as to seem almost tangible: a palpable sense of loss.
pan·dem·ic| panˈdemik | a phenomenon that changed our world and its people.
par·don| ˈpärd(ə)n | noun the action of forgiving or being forgiven for an error or offense: I pardon you.
part | pärt | the contribution made by someone or something to an action or situation: the pandemic played a crucial part in the demise that is upon us.
pas·sion| ˈpaSH(ə)n | noun strong and “barely” controllable emotion: a man of impetuous passion.
pau•ci•ty (‘pôsǝdē) the presence of something only in small or insufficient quantities or amounts; scarcity: a paucity of understanding.
pause | pôz | verb (give someone pause for thought) cause someone to think carefully or hesitate before doing something: I paused to realize I hadn’t understood.
peace | pēs | noun 1 freedom from disturbance; tranquility: I am searching for peace • mental calm; serenity • 2 a state or period in which there is no war or a war has ended: in time of peace brokerage can be exchanged,| 3 (the peace) a ceremonial handshake or kiss exchanged during a service in some Churches symbolizing Christian love and unity.
per·cep·tion| pərˈsepSH(ə)n | intuitive understanding and insight: my perceptions are changing.
per·fi·dy| ˈpərfədē | noun disloyalty, faithlessness, betrayal, breach of trust.
per•suade (pǝr swād’) to win over or convince by argument, urging, advice, etc.: I’m glad you were per•suad•ed.
per•tain (pǝr tānʻ) 1 to refer (to); relate (to) 2 pertaining to relating to; belonging to; forming a part of; Love and acceptance are at the core of and pertains to all human existence.
per•turbed (pər’tərbd) feeling anxiety or concern; unsettled: my perturbed attitude is starting to pass.
per·vade| pərˈvād | spread through and be perceived in every part of: fear pervaded me.
per·verse (pərˈvərs) (of a person or their actions) showing a deliberate and obstinate desire to behave in a way that is unreasonable or unacceptable, often despite the consequences.
pes·si·mism| ˈpesəˌmiz(ə)m | a tendency to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen; a lack of hope or confidence in the future: the dispute cast an air of deep pessimism over the future.
pes·ti·lence| ˈpestələns | a fatal epidemic disease, especially Covid-19.
pet·ri·fied ( ˈpetrəˌfīd) so frightened that one is unable to move; terrified.
phys·i·cal (ˈfizək(ə)l) relating to the body as opposed to the mind.
please | plēz | adverb • used to add urgency and emotion to a request: please, please consider this!
pos·tu·late verb | ˈpäsCHəˌlāt | [with object] suggest or assume the existence, fact, or truth of (something) as a basis for reasoning, discussion, or belief.
pow·er| ˈpou(ə)r | noun 1 the ability to do something or act in a particular way, especially as a faculty or quality: the power of forgiveness and acceptance • 2 the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events.
pre•cip•i•tous (prēʻsipǝdǝs) done suddenly and without careful consideration.
pres·ent (ˈpreznt) entirely focused on or involved in what one is doing or experiencing.
pre·vail| prēˈvāl | verb [no object] prove more powerful than opposing forces; be victorious: it is hard for logic to prevail over emotion.
pro·claim| prəˈklām | verb [with clause] announce officially or publicly.
pro·cure| prəˈkyo͝or | verb 1 obtain (something), especially with care or effort: love procured for the purpose of comforting one’s soul.
pro·di·gious| prəˈdijəs | adjective 1 remarkably or impressively great in extent, size, or degree: This prodigious event does not define us.
pro·duce verb (prəˈdo͞os) create or form as part of a physical, biological, or chemical process.
pro·duc·tion| prəˈdəkSH(ə)n | noun • the creation or formation of something as part of a physical, biological, or chemical process.
prom·ise| ˈpräməs | noun a declaration or assurance that a particular thing will happen: I made a promise to stand by you • [in singular] an indication that something specified is expected or likely to occur: the promise of protection, the promise of fidelity.
prove | pro͞ov | verb (past participle proved or proven | ˈpro͞ovən | ) [with object] demonstrate the truth or existence of love and passion by evidence or argument: the concept is not difficult to prove and is undeniably apparent.
prov·i·den·tial (ˌprävəˈden(t)SH(ə)l) occurring at a favorable time; opportune.
prox·i·mate| ˈpräksəmət | adjective • closest in relationship.
pull | po͝ol | verb [with object] (pull oneself) move in a specified direction with effort, especially by taking hold of something and exerting force. noun • something exerting influence or attraction.
pure | pyo͝or | adjective • without any extraneous and unnecessary elements: nothing about this situation is pure.
pur·pos·ive| ˈpərpəsiv | adjective having, serving, or done with a purpose: loving you is a purposive act.
push | po͝oSH | verb 1 exert force on (someone or something), compel or urge (someone) to do something: they pushed too hard.
